Sour Note
by Redtop1995
Summary: What started out as a simple jam session during lunchtime quickly turns into a foray into the dark side of fame for a certain skunkette and a certain pig with the help of their new manager. Can Des Porcs et des Mouffettes remain a cute little musical duo with all the evils of money present? Read this mockumentary and see!
1. Humble Beginnings

**SOUR NOTE**

A Tiny Toons Fanfic

By Redtop95

_We hear a jazzy, snappy tune begin to play as several musical notes fly at the screen. One of them dominates the screen. The words _**SOUR NOTE **_forms on it. This logo remains the focus for five seconds before disappearing. It is followed by a photograph of _**Fifi La Fume **_and _**Hamton J Pig**_. _

**Narrator: **What a cute couple, you may say. They were a cute band, too…until they went…BAD! _We hear a thunderclap. _Today's episode of Sour Note, the show that documents maestro celebrities who went out with a fizzle will cover the story of how the best-laid plans of Des Porcs et des Mouffettes went awry. (Grumbles to himself) This show needs a better name…

_We are shown a photograph of Acme Looniversity._

**Narrator: **At Acme Looniversity, they earned their toon degree… (Singing) The teaching staff's been getting laughs since 1933… (Stops, clears throat) Err, sorry. _An image of _**Fifi **_chasing _**Furball **_and _**Calamity **_is shown. _Fifi La Fume had been through several ex-boyfriends…when I say ex, I technically mean that she just chased them because they accidentally had white stripes down their backs. _An image of _**Hamton **_eating a sandwich in the cafeteria is shown. _Hamton J Pig was a bright young fellow. He liked to eat, and had an obsession with cleaning. Two complete opposites, you may think. Yes. Yes, they were. However, opposites attract, and in the fall of 1990, Hamton and Fifi went to the first junior prom as a date. We have actual footage of the famous…asking out.

_We are shown footage from the episode _**Prom-ise Her Anything**. _A caption says: _**When Hamton asked Fifi out (1990)**.

**Hamton:** Sometimes a guy gets real shy when he asks out a girl that he likes (Gulps) Er, know what I mean, Fifi?

**Fifi**: Hmph! I zink ze whole idea of proms and dates eez a lot of sexeest, outdated, how you say, hooey!  
**Hamton**: Gosh, that's too bad, Fifi. I was kinda hoping you'd be my date. Oh, well.  
**Fifi**: Bless you, mon petite bacon of pig! I thought no one would ask me!

**Narrator: **Yes, their relationship wasn't accepted by everyone (Beat) but who gives a damn what they think?

_We are shown a picture of the couple. They are much older now at around 19 to 20 years old._

**Narrator: **Despite warnings that their relationship would not last that long, Fifi and Hamton steadfastly continued into college. They were the best students, according to their respective mentors **Pepe Le Pew **_appears beside _**Fifi**_. _Pepe Le Pew…**Porky Pig **_appears beside _**Hamton**. And Porky Pig.

_The picture comes to life._

**Porky: **(To **Hamton** and **Fifi**) You're our b-be-uh-b-be-uh-buh-best st-st-ste-uh-ste-ste-uh-pupils!

_The camera cuts to the janitor's closet._

**Narrator: **Fifi and Hamton used to spend all their time together. During breaks, they used to go to the janitor's closet to eat their lunch…and make out. At least toons thought they were making out. The students used to hear moaning coming from the closet, and there was always some dubious mess discovered by the janitor, but I digress. If there was one thing that Hamton and Fifi loved, it was classical and/or retro music. They had both been talented musicians since high school, and it was a good hobby, other than private activities, to go to the band practice room to have a jam session.

_The camera cuts to _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_sitting on a couch being interviewed. The caption says _**HAMTON J PIG, Former Band Member **_and _**FIFI LA FUME, Former Band Member** _beneath them for five seconds before fading away._

**Hamton: **Fifi played the harp. I played the tuba. People may say that harps and tubas don't mix, but ya shoulda heard us play!

**Fifi: **Hammy et moi were always good at playing musique. Ve played every déjeuner. Ah always thought zat eet would only be un hobby, mais one day, Professeur Pepe came into ze band practice room…

_We are given a flashback. _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_are in the band practice room, playing a catchy tune on the tuba and harp respectively. Suddenly, _**Pepe **_bursts in. They stop playing and freeze._

**Hamton: **(Shocked) P-Professor! It wasn't us who made that mess in the closet!

**Fifi:** (Sternly) Hammy, ssh!

**Pepe: **(To them) Z-Zat vas vous two? Playing zat musique?

**Hamton: **Y-Yeah…why?

**Pepe: **(Happy) Zat vas trés bon playing! Trés bon indeed! Vous two are talented as vell as bien students!

**Fifi: **(Pleased) Why, merci, Professeur!

**Pepe: **(Scratches his head for a beat) Why don't ze two of vous play at ze prom?

**Hamton:** (Protests) Oh, no, we're not that good! Ya don't hafta do that!

**Pepe:** (Scoffs) Nonsense! Ah want ze whole of ze Collège to know about how well un harp et un tuba sound together! In fact, vous two will be ze first band in ze collège's first band! Un Duo Musical!

**Hamton** _and_ **Fifi** _look_ _at each other and shrug their shoulders._ _Then they look at _**Pepe**_. _

**Fifi: **(To **Pepe**) Alright, Professeur. We shall play at ze prom! When eez eet?

**Pepe: **(Casually) Oh, een two days.

**H&amp;F: **(In shock) TWO DAYS?!

_The flashback ends and we come back to the interview._

**Hamton: **We couldn't back out, so we had ta play at the prom. One of the problems was coming up with a name. (Beat) I wanted to call ourselves Hamfi. But it sounded too much like a Disney character. _They both shudder._

**Fifi: **(Teasingly) Zere vas Fifton (she giggles) mais zat did not work either.

**Hamton: **I suggested something like Brass and Strings, y'know, ta represent our instruments.

**Fifi: **(To **Hamton**) Oui, but zat did not sound trés, how-you-say, catchy, no? Ze day of ze prom was getting closer, et ve vere practising our musique pour eet, ven eet came to us…

_We are given a flashback of the pair practising a song on their respective instruments before suddenly…_

**Hamton: **(Excited) I GOT IT! The Pig and the Skunk!

**Fifi:** (Excited) Oui! (Pondering) Mais perhaps eet needs un petit change…

**Hamton:** Uhhh… The Tuba and the Harp?

**Fifi: **(Musing) Non, non. Keep ze last name… _She ponders for a beat. _(Excited) Ah know! Des Porcs et des Mouffettes!

**Hamton:** (Happily) Yeah! (Confused) What's that?

**Fifi: **Eet eez ze name zat tu gave…in French!

**Hamton: **(To the camera) Oh, yeah! (To **Fifi**) Genius! _They high-five each other._

_The flashback ends and we come back to the interview._

**Hamton: **So, Des Porcs et des Mouffettes it was! Just in time for the Prom, too!

**Fifi: **Oui! Ah think zat ve did well.

_Another flashback gives us the Looniversity auditorium where the other toons are dancing, eating food from the buffet or drinking punch. _**Foghorn Leghorn **_comes up onto the stage with a microphone. _

**Foghorn: **Quit, ah say, quit flappin' your pie holes an' listen up! _Everybody goes silent. _Righty-ho, then! Ah'm afraid, ah say, ah'm afraid ta say that the Wackyland Rubber Band cannot play fer you this evenin'!

**Plucky: **(To **Shirley**) Is that supposed ta be bad news?

**Babs: **(Looking around, to **Buster**) Hey…where are Feef and Hammy?

_As _**Buster **_shrugs, the camera pans back to _**Foghorn**.

**Foghorn: **HOWEVAH! We have, ah say, we have a replacement performance for you tonight! Give, ah say, give a warm welcome to that brass blowin' and string pluckin' pair: _He looks at the card he has been given. _Uhhh…some French name that ah cannot pro-nounce! _He holds the card out to the crowd of young toons. _Can any of y'all read that? _The camera pans across the crowd of toons as they squint at the card. _If y'all can't, y'all need ta get yer eyes seen to. OKAY! Here they are!

_He walks off stage as the curtain rises to reveal _**Hamton **_wearing a tuxedo with his tuba and _**Fifi **_wearing a dress with her harp. They share a grin, before turning to the flabbergasted crowd._

**H&amp;F: **We are Des Porcs et des Mouffettes!

**Hamton: **ARE YOU READY TA ROCK?!

_The crowd whoops upon hearing this._

**Fifi: **ARE VOUS, HOW-YOU-SAY, READY TO ROLL?!

_The crowd cheers upon hearing this. _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_grin at each other again. _

**H&amp;F: **(To the crowd) Trés bien! Nous y voilà!

_We hear heavy metal riffs as the pig and the skunkette prepare to play their respective instruments in slow motion. This music ends with the sound of a record scratching as _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_play classical music. The crowd is silent for a beat…before they start jumping up and down and cheering as a mosh pit starts. The camera cuts to _**Fowlmouth**_, who is swinging his shirt over his head and has a tattooed body._

**Fowlmouth: **HELL YEAH! DAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!

_The flashback ends and we cut back to the interview._

**Hamton: **Ya could say that that night was our big break…because it was.

**Fifi: **A man who claimed to be un talent scout vas at ze prom. Ve do not know why, but 'e was.

**Hamton:** He approached us after the gig an' gave us an offer.

_The flashback shows _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_talking to somebody offscreen. This person has a male British accent._

**?: **(Impressed) Great show ya did there.

**Hamton:** Uh…thanks. (Curious) But why are you here? This prom's for students only!

**?: **I'm Scarlet Jersey. A talent scout…and an agent. Your little tuba and harp routine sure was popular with these guys.

**Fifi: **Merci, monsieur. Ah am glad zat vous think zat!

**Scarlet: **And I'm glad we're getting along. You see, I could make you famous. But in order to do that, the both of you have to blow this popsicle stand, as they say here in the States.

**Fifi: **Zis eez un college, monsieur. Not un, how-you-say, popsicle stand.

**Hamton:** (To **Fifi**) It's a figure of speech, dear. (To Scarlet) What're ya gettin' at, mister?

**Scarlet:** I mean you two have to drop out of college if you're going to make something out of this musical duo and be famous!

**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_recoil in shock. _

**Fifi: **(Alarmed) Leave zis college?!

**Hamton:** (Shocked) B-But ya can't get good employment without proper education!

**Scarlet: **(Chuckles) Look, being famous IS good employment. Trust me; you DON'T need proper education for that! _A hand reaches out from offscreen with a piece of paper and a pen. _Okay. Sign this contract, and I'll make ya big!

**Hamton **_is about to reach for the pen when he stops himself._

**Hamton: **(Suspiciously) Wait a minute… Is this gonna be one of those plots where we develop into successful celebrities but then we eventually become jerks?

**Scarlet: **Of course it is.

**Fifi: **(Happily) Bien! Ah 'ave never played un role like zat before! Eet should be interesting!

**Hamton: **(Cheerily) Neither have I!

**Fifi **_takes the pen and signs her name. _**Hamton **_does the same. The contract is quickly pulled offscreen. The skunkette and pig are suddenly handed what appears to be bottles of alcohol._

**Scarlet: **If you want to remain legendary, the pair of you have to drink this from now on.

**Hamton: **(Confused) Thanks?

**Fifi: **Vat eez eet?

**Scarlet: **It's "Fucking Awesome Mead Extract!" Otherwise known as the acronym: FAME. Keep drinking this and you two will have a legacy unlike any other!

**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_take the FAME bottles, shrug their shoulders and both take a swig. They both shudder at the taste. The flashback ends and we return to the interview._

**The next part of the tour is coming soon! **


	2. Marriage and the World Tour

**Hamton: **So, that was it. We dropped outta college and joined Scarlet on the road.

**Fifi:** 'E took us to un tavern dans Georgia pour our first, how-you-say, giggle.

_We see a picture of _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_playing their instruments at a bar. You can see what appear to be bloodstains on the wall behind them and there are used condoms on the stage. _

**Hamton: **(Musing) Interesting place. Not very family-friendly, though. That was our first paid gig.

**Fifi: **Ah am glad zat zey appreciate classical musique. (Muses) Perhaps eet was because zey were drunk…

**Hamton: **I remember that Scarlet also gave us advice on how ta be a good band.

**Scarlet **_is still offscreen in the flashback. _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_are listening to what he is saying in what appears to be a dressing room. We can see the tuba and harp in the background._

**Scarlet: **(Offscreen) Okay, now I know you're both only young, it's only a year before the pair of you are 20, but here's some advice on how to sustain a band and become legendary. One of you has to die.

_The pig and skunkette do a double take. _

**Scarlet: **It's either by bein' shot by an over obsessed fan, alcoholism, drug overdose or some terminal disease.

**Hamton:** (Beat) Uh… there's just a small problem with that, Mr Jersey. We're toons. We can't die.

**Scarlet: **(Under his breath) Bollocks! (To **Fifi** and **Hamton**) Well, you two had better hope that nobody brings any dip with 'em to your concerts. Though, I suppose if you killed them first…

_The pig and skunkette shudder. _

**Fifi: **(Reproachfully) Zat eez illegal, Monsieur.

**Scarlet: **Look, the two of you are gonna be household names, you can violate all the rules under the sun! Besides, you're gonna have some fans that'll be pretty damn creepy.

**Narrator: **So now, Des Porcs et des Mouffettes were paranoid about being dipped. However, this didn't last long once they started drinking the FAME. _We are shown a photograph of _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_looking incredibly intoxicated in their trailer. They appear to be laughing at something. There are several spilt beer bottles lying on the floor around them. _It wasn't long before Scarlet had them touring the world!

_We cut back to the interview._

**Hamton: **I'll tell ya one country that liked us: Switzerland!

_We cut to the flashback. _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_are playing a polka tune on their instruments and swaying to the beat. They are on a stage with a snowy mountain in the background and sheep are wandering about. A man wearing lederhosen is standing at the forefront of the stage. He is singing a song._

**German Singer: **(Sings) Listen to die Schweine, who toots der Tuba, listen to die Stinktier, who plucks der Harp. It sure as Hell makes uz horny to hear der prickelnde Strings und die parp hören!

_He begins to yodel rather badly, which causes _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_to cringe and stop playing. The crowd begins to boo and the singer is hit by an accordian, a bass drum, a sousaphone and an alpenhorn. We cut back to the interview._

**Fifi: **Zat man. _She shudders. _Oooh, `e ruined our musique! (To **Hamton**) Zat was our worst tour, mon conniechon!

**Hamton: **(To **Fifi**) I didn't mean they liked us music-wise, Bebe.

_We are given another flashback. _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_are walking through the Swiss streets. Suddenly, they are approached by a lederhosen wearing man with his wife._

**Man: **(To **Hamton** and **Fifi**) Hallo, Tuba spielen Schwein und Harfenspiel Stinktier. Vould you like to join our Fucken Session?

**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_look at each other and shrug. The camera cuts to a door which has a sign saying: _**Die Fucken Roomen**. _We can hear erotic moaning and the occasional yodelling. We cut back to the interview. _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_are smiling as they remember. Then, they blush as they look at the camera. _**Fifi **_decides to change the subject._

**Fifi: **Ve learned to play each other's instruments during our European tour. When my Hammy got un mal de gorge while we were in L'Espagne, ah played ze tuba pour 'im while 'e played ma harp.

_We cut to a flashback. _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi **_are on a_ _stage with a Spanish flag on the wall. They are wearing flamenco outfits: _**Hamton's **_is all black while _**Fifi's **_is a flaring red dress. _**Hamton **_plays the harp while _**Fifi**_ plays the tuba. Roses can be seen flying onto the stage from offscreen. They are playing an upbeat Spanish song. We cut back to the interview._

**Hamton: **(To** Fifi**) I didn't know you could play the tuba.

**Fifi:** (To **Hamton**) Well, ah 'ad un lot of practice avec tu!

**Hamton:** (Confused) Did you? **Fifi **_giggles and winks. _(In embarrassed realisation) Oh, right…

_The flashback shows _**Hamton **_completely naked sitting on an armchair in their trailer. _**Fifi**_, who is also completely naked, is kneeling down in front of the pig with her back to the camera. Her head is bobbing up and down. _**Hamton **_is stroking his girlfriend's hair with an extremely obvious look of dazed pleasure._** Fifi **_is moaning with enjoyment. _

**Hamton: **(Erotically) Oh, yeah. Ohhhhhhh, FUCK YEAH! Eat me, Fifi, you dirty skunk! Eat my large sausage!

_Abruptly, he looks at the camera. A look of outrage crosses his face. _

**Hamton: **(To the camera) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?! GET THE FUCK OUT!

**Fifi **_turns to look at the camera, her face just as baleful as her boyfriend's. There appears to be semen dripping from her lips. _**Hamton **_angrily flips the bird at the camera._

**Fifi: **(To the camera) Va te faire foutre!

_The camera cuts back to the interview. _

**Fifi: **(To **Hamton**) Ze tuba reminds moi of tu…et your pighood. (To the camera) Ah always get a bit, how-you-say, on turned as un result.

**Hamton: **(To the camera) So THAT'S why she got wet during the performance! (To **Fifi**) Good job you were wearing a dress.

**Narrator: **I guess you could say thatit made her… HORNY!

_We hear a cricket chirping as _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_look visibly unimpressed. _

**Narrator: **Let's go to another distraction, I mean, flashback!

_The camera cuts to a flashback of _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_playing their instruments on a stage. The background behind the stage says _**CREAMFIELDS **_on it. _

**Narrator: **Des Porcs et des Mouffettes made their debut in Britain as part of the summer music festival: Creamfields. They played after Fatboy Slim. During their time at the festival, they had a slight misinterpretation on why the event was called Creamfields…

_The camera cuts to a stage with the curtains closed. _**Fifi **_is on her hands and knees while _**Hamton **_plows her. We can hear them moaning erotically. Suddenly, a stagehand comes into view, looking at a clipboard._

**Stagehand: **Okay, Fatboy Slim's finished; the two of you had better get… _He looks up from his clipboard and reacts in horror. _HOLY CRAP!

**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_casually halt their lovemaking to look at him._

**Hamton: **(Defensively) What? This is perfectly natural behaviour for toons when they love each other very much!

**Stagehand: **NOT ON A STAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD!

**Fifi: **Ah thought zis is vat we do! We are, how you say, creaming ourselves dans un field!

**Stagehand:** It just isn't natural… _He eyes them suspiciously_. Are you two…drunk?

**H&amp;F: **Uhhh… no? _We can see them pushing empty bottles of FAME away. _

**Stagehand: **(Sighs) Look, I couldn't give a flying fuck what you two want to do, but I highly recommend that you don't engage in sexual activity before you're supposed to go ON STAGE! Especially since a pig's orgasm lasts for half-an-hour.

**Hamton: **(Astonished) How d'you know that?

**Stagehand: **(Frustrated) It doesn't matter, just get your instruments!

**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_reluctantly do so. They begrudgingly get out of their sexual positions and collect their tuba and harp respectively. _

**Hamton: **(Grumbling, as he passes the **Stagehand**) Goddamn cockblock…

_They walk out onto the stage and the crowd cheers for them. They are about to play when _**Hamton **_blows into his mouthpiece. No sound comes out of the tuba._

**Hamton: **(In frustration) Ben Zonah! (To **Fifi**) My tuba's blocked!

**Fifi:** Give eet un trés big blow, zen!

**Hamton:** Ya don't blow, ya buzz!

**Fifi:** (To the camera) Oh… zat eez why ah got wet!

**Hamton **_takes a deep breath and blows into the mouthpiece. With a loud _**BWART**_, a shoe flies out of the bell like a rocket. The camera cuts to a _**One Direction **_concert. The caption _**"Scotland" **_briefly appears. _**Harry Styles **_is about to sing when the same shoe hits him in the crotch. He doubles up in pain._

**Narrator: **It turned out Des Porcs et des Mouffettes were the ones who threw that boot at Styles…which made them all the more awesome.

_The camera cuts to the entrance to a huge mansion which is coloured purple, pink and blue, making it look rather psychedelic. The mansion overlooks the sea. _

**Narrator: **The European tour was a great success, and Des Porcs et des Mouffettes earned $10,000,000 in American currency. They moved out of Acme Acres to sunny Los Angeles, into their newly built mansion.

_The camera cuts to the interview._

**Hamton: **Mr Jersey said we should've lived in London, but…it rains all the time.

**Fifi: **Besides, where ve live eez where ALL of ze stars live!

_We are shown a series of photographs of _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_with _**Neil Patrick Harris **_and _**Jason Segal**_, _**Pharrell Williams **_and _**Britney Spears**_. _

**Narrator: **Yes, Fifi and Hamton were unique in that they were the only animals who were in a band…we're not counting that dog from the Archies. They made quite a lot of friends with celebrities…part of this was due to the fact that they were high, very high. 

_We are shown a photograph of _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton** _smoking what appears to be joints in what appears to be the enormous bedroom of their mansion. Their eyes are incredibly bloodshot, and their faces look slightly wrinkled._

**Narrator: **Speaking of being high, they took to drugs as well, because Mr Jersey told them that all the celebrities did it. Thanks to our Acme Eavesdropping Camera, we were able to film their first drug dosage.

_The photograph comes to life. We see _**Hamton **_blow smoke out of his snout after smoking his joint before looking at _**Fifi**_. _

**Hamton: **(Slurred) Hey, Fay, Hifi, I mean, Hey, Fifi.

**Fifi: **(Slurred) Qu-Quoi?

**Hamton: **H-Have you met Archibald, my pet griffin who farts rainbows an' vomits cotton candy?

**Fifi:** Non, ah, ah 'ave not.

**Hamton: **Ya will now, he's over there. _He points offscreen. The camera moves in the direction where he's pointing…to show that there's nothing there. The camera cuts back to the drugged pair. _(To **Fifi**) Would ya like ta ride him with me?

**Fifi: **Non… _She pulls his pants down and sits on the pig's crotch. _Mais ah would like to ride tu! _She smokes her joint and rises a bit on _**Hamton's **_erection. _

**Hamton: **FUCK YEAH!

**Fifi **_begins to bounce on _**Hamton's **_erection, as he strokes her hair with his hand. She wraps her tail around his head and strokes his ears with it. They both moan erotically as _**Fifi **_gets wet on _**Hamton**_. The camera moves abruptly to face the carpet._

**Narrator: **Unfortunately, the cameraman got turned on by their behaviour.

_We see several photographs of the pig and skunkette having sex in several different positions. _**Hamton **_is fucking _**Fifi **_over the coffee table, and then he's fingering her while she lies on her back below him. We can see her hand clamped around his penis. They are both playing Twister. Another photo shows us that _**Hamton **_is blowing his tuba, which causes _**Fifi **_to cum. _

**Narrator: **Despite this, he was still able to take these pictures…

_We cut to the interview. _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_look aghast at the photographs._

**Hamton: **(Shocked) HOW THE FUCK DID YA TAKE THOSE?!

**Narrator: **Which we leaked to a Porn magazine.

**H&amp;F:** (Horror-struck) WHAT?!

**Fifi:** (Suddenly calm) Well, zat eez probably why zose trés strange men kept playing zose instruments around moi when ah went out…

_We are given a flashback of _**Fifi **_walking out of a beauty salon. Suddenly, she is ambushed by a group of nerdy young men, who immediately begin playing brass instruments. The skunkette's skirt is blown upwards, but she does not get wet. Instead, she reacts in shock, which quickly turns to fury._

**Fifi: **(Furiously) Bâtards!

_She storms off. The nerds watch her go with confusion._

**Nerd 1: **(Confused) She didn't cum! She always cums when the pig plays it!

_Suddenly, the _**Fat Nerd **_from the _**Please, Please, Pleese Get a Life Foundation**_ walks into the scene. _

**Fat Nerd: **(To **Nerd 1**) The reason the skunkette did not involuntarily release any vaginal fluid is because she is turned on by a tuba, which is what the pig plays. You were playing a sousaphone, a tuba which is typically used in marching bands.

**Nerd 1: **(Beat)So technically, it's a tuba.

**Fat Nerd:** NO!

_Suddenly, _**Baloney the Dinosaur **_appears from nowhere._

**Baloney: **(Chuckles) Back to the Virgin Asylum!

_The nerds all scream as the orange and blue dinosaur grabs them and vanishes into thin air. _

**Narrator: **Well, much to the sorrow of several losers, it wasn't long before Hamton and Fifi tied the knot. Who can forget the day when Hamton proposed to Fifi during their concert at Iraq?

_We are shown a picture of _**Hamton **_down on one knee in front of _**Fifi**_, placing what appears to be an extremely expensive golden ring on her finger. We can see bullets flying past their heads. _

**Narrator: **It was an extremely happy day for the world of celebrities, and, judging by how often they screwed their brains out, it seemed like Des Porcs et des Mouffettes was going to become the One and Only Genuine Original Family Band. Once Scarlet found out the news, he gave Fifi and Hamton some advice regarding their married life.

**Scarlet **_is still offscreen in the flashback. _**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_are listening to what he is saying in what appears to be a dressing room. We can see the engagement ring on _**Fifi's **_finger. _

**Scarlet: **So, you're engaged. Congratulations, I suppose. I recommend you have a divorce in about two and a half years.

_The pig and skunkette look shocked by this advice. _

**Scarlet: **(Firmly) Look, it's for your own good. If you two spend the rest of your lives as a married couple and raising ankle-biters, your music career will be ruined! You won't be able to practice or perform at gigs because your brats need attention! You'll ruin me! (Calms down) Now don't worry, I had a plan in case somethin' like this should happen: once you divorce each other, your music duo will break up, you'll have solo careers an' then I'll organise a reunion concert which is to pay for your alimony under the façade of sentimentality!

**Hamton: **M-Mr Jersey, with all due respect, Fifi an' I have been planning our married life for years!

**Scarlet: **An' I wanted to get into Emma Watson's pants, but we can't all have our way!

**Fifi: **(Boldly) Monsieur, ah will not let ma musique stand in ze way of love!

**Hamton: **Y-Yeah! I'm sure we'll still be able ta sustain our career while bein' married!

_A hand offers them two bottles of FAME. _

**Scarlet: **(Offering) Here, have some FAME. You've obviously not been drinking it.

**Fifi **_and _**Hamton **_begrudgingly take the bottles and each have a swig. Almost as soon as they have a drink, their suspicion evaporates. _

**Hamton: **(Drunkenly) Divorce in two an' a half years? Got it!

**Fifi: **(Drunkenly) Marriage eez, how-you-say, overrated, anyway!

_We cut to a casino in what appears to be Las Vegas. It is sunset. Then, the camera cuts to the interior of the building, where we can see _**Hamton **_and _**Fifi** _stood at a poorly built altar. _**Kanye West **_appears to be the priest. The camera roves through the celebrities in the crowd. Examples of celebrities are a gurning and completely naked _**Miley Cyrus**_ to a bald _**Britney Spears**_._

**Narrator: **Scarlet also told Fifi and Hamton that they could not invite any of their friends or family members to their wedding. Instead, the guests would be celebrities who became famous through either traditional means, YouTube and in some cases…_ The camera cuts to _**Kim Kardashian**_. _Sucking someone off on video.

_We cut back to the altar. Looking closely at the pig and skunkette, we can see that they don't look very fit to be at a wedding. Their eyes are bloodshot and they appear to have wrinkles. They have been drinking FAME prior to the ceremony. _

**Kanye: **Yo, yo, yo!

_A confused atonal instrumental rap track begins to play as _**Kanye **_begins the wedding. _

**Kanye: **(Raps, to **Hamton**) Hamton J Pig, I hear yo' dick is big, it's like a trunk, man, not a twig! Yo' gon' use it when ya hitch, ya take dis girl ta be yo' bitch?

**Hamton: **(Drunkenly) I guess so, I've been fuckin' her for…ever!

**Kanye:** (Raps, to **Fifi**) Fifi La Fume, yo' pretty good in a room, I can see yo' a skunk, so ya like the taste 'o' spunk, well, this boy gon' make you cream, yo' gon' be on his team?

**Fifi:** (Drunkenly) Oui, oui, just marry us. Your lyrics 'ave turned on moi et ah want to fuck!

**Kanye: **(Raps) Hey y'all, they got hitched, they're on the hooky! Buy my Yeezus album while I go fuck Snooki!

_The camera cuts to a corner of the casino as the crowd cheers. We hear _**Scarlet's **_voice. _

**Scarlet: **"They're on the hooky?" What the bloody hell does that mean? (Shouts, to the crowd) OI! We're sellin' the "Des Porcs et des Mouffettes Wedding Rap" in the foyer for $45!


End file.
